First, let’s talk about the ‘when’. You should get in touch with your Ex only after you have avoided contact for a while after the breakup. The recommended period is 30 days but, as explained in our article on why you must ignore your Ex to get them back, the time can vary depending on circumstances.
You should also not contact your Ex before you have regained control of your emotions. The breakup must have upset you, of course, and for a while you were either terribly disappointed or quite angry – or both. The 30-day time out was in fact about getting you to calm down and give your Ex time to also get over the emotions and start missing you.
But, and this is critical, the timeout was also about you reassessing yourself and your relationship with your Ex. Before you make contact again, it is advisable to have first calmly thought about why the breakup happened and what you must do – or never again do – to make sure it never happens again. There is no point in trying to get your Ex back if you don’t intend to truly make it up to them and have a happy love life.
Now, Choose Carefully How You Want to Contact Your Ex…
Now you are ready to rekindle your relationship with your Ex. Step one, choose the means of contact. It has to be either a phone call or a text massage. The choice depends on how you and your Ex used to communicate when you were together.
In either case, it will have to be brief. Plus it must appear incidental – as in, it must feel like you did not take forever to think about it. You merely want to open channels of communication, not start a debate or discussion. Be lighthearted, positive and happy without being excited. Be normal happy.
Using The Phone to Contact Your Ex
If your choice is the phone call, keep in mind that it will remind your Ex of the sound of your voice. That alone might unleash a flood of memories and longing. But a call may also communicate your anxiety. So, make it real.
So what time do you make the call? If you are sure of your confidence, call when you know your Ex is usually unwinding. Evening, perhaps, or over the weekend when your ex likes to relax. If you are not too sure of your confidence level – or if you just want to play it safe – pick a time when your Ex will not pick the phone. You want to leave a message on voicemail. Naturally, it has to be a sensible time. Not in the dead of night or when your Ex knows you surely know they would be too busy to pick the call. Getting the voicemail has to feel accidental. And be prepared: your Ex might pick the damn phone anyway!
Why do you say then? Remember, your aim is to remind your Ex, indirectly, of shared memories or interests. It’s a subtle way of saying you still think of them and care. The trick here is to have a valid excuse for the call. Don’t call to just hi. Instead pick any one of these ever-green excuses:
Passing on a tip or new information: Make like you are just passing on a tip about something you know your ex loves, such as an upcoming concert, clothes sale or new book. It’s easier of course if you are talking to the voicemail: “Hey. Maybe you already know but I just heard XYZ are having a concert on Thursday next week. I know you love those guys so, yeah, just wanted you to know. Hope you are keeping well. Cheers.” If your Ex picks the call, you will definitely have to do better than that. But you will be fine if you stick to the topic plus the usual pleasantries.
Ask for some information: Make like you need some information only your ex has. Like directions to a restaurant you once went together. Or the name of a particular place such a music store or something. Girls have an advantage here: they can ask their Ex about the name of some gadget or phone app or any one of those things only men seem to know about.
Using Text Message to Contact Your Ex
The same rules apply to texting, only it’s simpler. The aim is still to rekindle memories and show that you still care. Timing is less of a problem because a text message can be sent on more times than a call.
The content of the massage also follows the rules of the phone call. Use the excuse of informing your ex of something new and interesting, like “Hey. Just heard that the XYZ store is having a sale of those flower vessels you love. Maybe you want to check them out? Hope you are good.” Or ask for some information only your ex knows best, “Hi. Sorry to bother you Ken but…what do you call that thing you need to fix the XYZ? Need to buy one and…you know. Have a lovely day”
All things considered, this first contact should set the ball rolling towards the next stage. That is the topic of our next article on rebuilding your Ex’s attraction.